CHARGES I (Jun-Dec 1991)
Blow bubbles any way you want
Comfortably on the edge
Or the brink
Of hope and helplessness
Like the centre of a wagon wheel
All roads lead home
And I'm looking for the shortest
Accomplishment...
So close it is in front of me
Staring at me
I am blind to it though
I feel that I should know
If only I knew
Yet if I did at this point
I would not be ready for it
Right now it is too big for me
It always feels like soon
So I sleep
Hoping it will come sooner
And still afraid
That I could be so happy
While leaving others
In their misery
So I feel guilty
Just thinking of the happiness
Give me time to find a reason
For leaving you
Without a chance to ask me why
Though you can't see
How I adored you
There's so much more
You could not give
Now I look back
To face the music
I won't admit how much it hurt
My hopes, my dreams
Had all been shattered
And the years
Have shown me this
So now I pray
'Cause I still love you
I won't forget my promises
And all the time
We've put between us
Our kids are still
A joining bliss
3. The Promise
Like an angel gift
An opening of the heart
Which no man can give
To the good and charmed life
Of the ones who make it through
Pay attention to what people say
As they talk with you
That is important as there are few who listen
You do a lot of listening now
And there is more to be done
Listening will raise your spirits
As it is a way of bringing out the good in people
You are strong enough to listen, but,
Try it to show yourself a bit first
Position a future
A way to the dawn
In your eyes
All the dreams
Give you
Time to decide
Feel strong
In your heart
There are many
Road ways
Be wise to the earth
Save luck on a string
To reel in
At the plan
Escape with your string
And your life
In your hand
Strut your stuff
Your desires are fulfilled here first
It is a holding place of dreams
To forget it not
That place some call heaven
Enough already
A beautiful garden inside of you
To live forever
The unknown space
Of those who love loving
You will pass through Etheria
Which is neither here nor there
It may take years
It will be like nothing and everything
Save the whales
Ha! They will save themselves
Save yourself
And the whales will be saved
Happy to be what you are
Now is the time
I changed you because you were not
Happy with yourself
You must be
Not in order to have more
That is the place
Some call heaven
There is fear
Fear that you are losing
Until you see
That in reality, you are winning
Losing of yourself
That which is cherished
To defend it at all cost
For without pride
Are we no one
What has more effect
Than the power of pride
We feel it protects us
Having our noses in the air
Find that power which is beyond pride
Everything is beyond
That which you know already
...
You will have something different
Courage
Where pride was false courage
And false in its own sense of the word
Find the courage within
A spark to weld to your heart
That heart in your soul
Like a sperm to the ova
Let it embed itself
It will grow
As an embryo
And you will have its power
And not lose yourself
It is for you, accept it
There is some time today to reflect on life
Receive enjoyment
Receive joy
We have been letting it envelop us
Now we can go on
`Being' happy is a learned thing
You should learn as a child
If you give the gift of happiness
Which is more of an allowing
The time spent giving
Has your world
In a down spin
To fare a hand
That takes from you
The same
What they expect
But, are not prepared to give
...
It is your turn to receive
Your time to gather
Accept with a measure of gusto
To help bring back the life
That should have been
They love you
Though they cannot show it
They can't help but
Do not bother yourself
With trivial things
Such as "Who needs what"
To love is to allow
And you allow
Here it is...Come and get it
To say "I love"
Sets a charge upon yourself
To a debt
Which you now owe
Until the debt is paid
Sobeit a year, a day, a lifetime
The length to the strength
And potential for loving
Words not to be taken lightly
Trade off when due
Since the magic
Of a moment
Lends ears to its music
A note played in haste
Has a tone of its own
Only those listening
Are allowed to prosper
If another stands in your way
See the path he is taking
And send him on his way
Oh to be young
With abilities that come with age
It is not a wish
But, a promise
To sit and write
To the breast
So full
And plump
To be suckled
It buds open
To give secure thoughts
Of the lips
As they move
In rhythm
To the heartbeat
The giver of the breast
Need not hold out the gift
The gift is ready
To meet its recipient
And guide the mouth
'til it is filled
And throbbing
For the moment
Say what you will to be
Listen to the stir as it wakens
See a tuning fork and its vibration force
You must let it resonate
To contain it would shatter
There whence it came
By the law of its home
Allow it to pass your barriers
Of disbelief
They will dissolve
By their own nature
As they are not being fed
They weaken
Then die
...
Stand guard
To feel alive
Once the will has stirred
The movement
You must listen
For the echo
Of the thought
And you will know it
As truth
To be leaned upon
Which is stronger
Than all things
And will raise you
Out of this place
Remember to allow
Yourself now
It is your time
To bear
A fruit of your own
And you will know
What kind of tree you are
And that is called
Your truth
...
To know what you want
Is not the issue
To know what you will to be
Makes more sense
To covet your truth
Will heighten passion in you
To grasp and devour
Every object along the path
Of life that leads to your truth
Is a sign that there is no control
Even a little control
Will lessen the anxiety
And speed you on your way
Upon discovery
You will be aware
Of the need for the secrecy
And the blindness
Often surrounding the journey
Do not become sad
Or disheartened
Take light
In some facts
It is hard
But, not impossible
It is a challenge
Of the will
You are learning
Strength in an unseen world
For the will
Must become strong
You can feel it becoming stronger
It has come a long way
It has been deeply buried
For so long
A hard struggle of years
From a deathbed
To heaven
Is a long road
See it there
In the distance
Becoming larger
As it gets closer
You can begin
To see features
That seem familiar
You recognize it
As an old friend
So many years it's been
You will celebrate
Your reunion
And never part again
State your name
That is your purpose
You must deal with the truth
No matter how wonderful it is
You are not a horrible person
As you have so judged
As a child
A child's voice
You were hearing
Yet, you heeded the words
Of a child's tiny noise
Listen to it now
You will be glad
You stopped to hear
What was said
To see the lies
So that
You could stop living them
It aches to tell you something.
Listen to this. I know you are afraid.
The sadness in the heart cannot serve you or your purpose
Since it is the base of these things I will approach it.
Heart, why still so sad-
And it will reply-
Of thyself a lie
You are afraid
You have begun to heed
The lie you are afraid
After this there will be no more
You are not afraid
Others are afraid for you
They always have been
Lose that because it is not you
Belief - stand in your own shadow
Conviction - you love life
You are not afraid
It is not your fear
But you have taken it on
With nowhere to put it
Expel the evil destroyer
Know that you are
Adventurous
Fun loving
Free-spirited
Energetic
Winsome and vivacious
And not afraid
Calm yourself
You do not wish to move
Just peace and quiet
This is provoking me
This noise
Stop the noise
It upsets me
It drives me crazy
Screaming,
Balling,
F---ing racket
Get me out of here
My nerves must be quieted
It's awful
Screeching, hollering
Why can't they shut the f--- up
Why am I condemned to listen
I'm not allowed to make any noise
Not even cry
I would love to kick them both
Out the door
So I can go back to sleep
This is not my problem
Take them away
I don't even want to see them again
That is sad
I will control
They have none
They will not come near me
It is fair
There is no other way
I will keep running away
Like I should have done
Way back then
But I don't want to run
I want to stay here
And find a way
To control things
So that they don't come
Unless they are prepared
The heart
Feels full of wonder
Like it has a voice of its own even
But, I have never heard it before
Yet, it is familiar
So happy to see you
The promise
Had done its work
Secretly
As told
The healing of the heart
Took place
Without precognition
A wonder of the world
From the first grasp
It is coveted as birth
It is born
A new sensation for the body
Oh to tell
And tell
Seek the sadness
Reach out to yourself
Mother of mine
No weakness
Can you
Feed
So you will be lost
Because this strength
You do not know
...
My heart has words
And I will listen
What is the first word?
My heart spoke?
Where has it been?
The wisdom of the heart?
We will keep checking
To be sure it's still there
For a while
To make belief
And build excitement
And richness
You've never known
I see you
Anger
I have spoken
I am no longer helpless
To your rage
It is defined
It has a name
Constrictor
I have beaten it
...
Joyous sounds
Will I hear
Family and friendly talk
Flow
The constrictor
Is gone
And much has been done
In spite of it
There is more life yet
And a better way
Feel lighter
Walk outside
You can breathe easier
There's nothing to fear
And nothing to stop you
From becoming
That which you want to be
You are shaken
With freedom
Aroused from the `sleep'
Move freely
In the world
As a fog
Through the air
The spirit is free
Satisfaction
Glad you ask
Give it up
It is not out there
It is an ability
For you
It is a talent
To transcend
Capable people
Turn them around
It is not a trick
I will teach you
Behave as a mongoose
Sleek
Know the meaning
Of assurance
Describe yourself
To me
..............
You are right
The talent
Will inspire you
Do not doubt
You have it
It is magical
And fun
It has been stirred
Slowly
It will envelope
And surround you
It has found
It's tree
And will sparkle
Within your branches
Feel it surge
Up and around
From your midst
To your wake
To `see'
Close your eyes
And see yourself
You can trust
In that form
Be thankful to it
It is your gift
Vibrant beauty
Draw it out
Written invitation
...
No belief
That would seem so
I cannot help
The thought to disapply
It's the thought of the distraught
Think of:
Little drops of poison
Entering the body
Constant feed
Develop
Akin to mirror magic
A system
By which
An antidote
Can dissipate
The poison
Before it enters
Give your mind
A gold cherry
Give your mind
A gift
Put your mind
On the pedestal
Honour it
It will thrive
And bring you
Riches and secrets
Place it above all
Give it gifts
Of gold
Use thoughts
Of images
Give it the best
You can dream of
The prettiest flowers
The shiniest gold
Incredible jewels
Do this
Without ceasing
Practice
I - have gone to where `I' wanted to go
I - allowed no one to stop me
I - decided `when' I was finished
It is `my' choice finally
I allowed no one to interfere
I have reached a goal
Only to be known at this time
I have `done' something
A feeling of accomplishment
So long awaited for
Yet still unclear
As to its substance
A victory
That is mine alone
I have won
It cannot be taken from me
The victory is within
The end of the search
The search for trouble
Has brought me here
In all my defiance
Rebellion had reign
I love no other
Than myself first
What I will do now
Is not without recognition
As is choice
To feel as though
I have choice
And not driven
How I will express this
Is something
We all
Will find out
Where is the beauty?
Where is the love?
And life?
Is there no more promises?
No more life
The flame has withered
What will make it burn?
Must I
Cater to the needs of others
While denying myself?
To fruition
Life to the fullest
Get away
You despisers
Of other people's happiness
Give me room to grow
Emotion no longer sustains me
I strive for answers
To the mysteries of life
The `lord' is my shepherd
To quote
"Lord" of what?
Of my life?
I trust no one with my life
Or any part of it
Therefore, I must be `lord'
But, I don't know how
I've only known how to take care of others
I have to see me
Let others take care of themselves
I have not yet done what I am supposed to do
I have only appeared unfeeling
I wish that my quest would end
Or have I lost my place in life
The words mean nothing to me
Except it is the only language I know
Nothing I do is ever enough
Everything I do is never enough
I want the answer(s)
I should not want
Then where are they?
Where are the answers?
Can I touch them?
To think of the excitement for life
By knowing what to do
Once you know
There is control
Who has my knowing?
Or where is it?
The search is not over
But, it is now known!
Who do I ask?
My fingernails?
Is it a secret?
It cannot be
It is there for those who want it
I will find it
In spite of everything
Say the word.
*Obstinate
I do not give up
You must tell me
I will not let you be
The secret is mine and we know it
I am talking to my inner self
Specifically
Self to self
Personally
One on one
You must answer
It is law!
So what is the verdict?
I am not afraid.
Tell me please, the secret
-The hands in the eyes
flow thru to let the power
of power take yor bodi
to a plas & tim
this hand is not alon
You must lov what you hav
-Start to feel
Like
A diamond in the sand
All of the sparkles could be diamonds
But you are the only one of few
You've been picked up and dropped so many times
That you've become polished.
And shine brighter than the North Star
Give yourself your life back
Do what you want
What do you want?
Back to the beginning
My biggest quest
The search for what I want
Take this away...it is choking me
There seems to be no end.
No answer
That's all I ask
"What do I want"
The never-ending question
What do I want?
I am not afraid
-I want a mother and a father
Who can be my mother and father?
I don't have one
Who is my mother?
-Zeus is not afraid
Whomever treats you like a mother should
In your eyes
A father is one in the same
A childhood fantasy
You have more
You forgot to keep an open mind
You do not know yet what you have
It will thrill you
-You have understanding of finer things
You have endless pleasures
You have me
Look...it is the truth
There is some kind of knowledge
That gives more than hope
It gives a promise
The promise to believe
Belief as knowing
Personal belief
It brings faith
Faith inspires
Sets fires
Fires burn
Then spread
Leaving their ash
As a reminder
Of what took place
Then a better life breaks through
What you see now
Is far more complicated than the thot
That brought it here
What would be some simple and realistic thoughts?
Or
What do I need for the wonderfully perfect things?
To imagine when you can't
When all you can do is look around yourself and feel despair
And guilt because you `should' be thankful
To forget what feeling good is
Ah! To feel good!
What makes good feelings
In yourself alone?
In your own self alone?
Where do they come from?
Not my neighbours
Or their kids
Not my parents
But ever so often
Not my spouse
Or my children
Nor my sisters or brothers
They are not to blame
The feelings of life inspired
Is in me
Or is it?
What part of me would they be?
The fingertips are sensitive
The heart is not
The heart is not the core
The light is in the eyes
The eye has depth
Use it
Problem
So far it takes, forever it lasts
Take
Walk over
Step up
See me
Look for `it', the pardon by
Take my hand
On your pulse
Your wall you've reached
You are ready to cross over
Hold your breath and count to ten
There is fear to stop you
You are not to feel different. You are to trust
You are very untrusting
That which saves the best
The heart has always been a block
It has no intelligence. It is desire
When the heart's desire is gone and nothing has taken its place
You must fix it with giorgio
Smell your life, savour you own self `being'
`Being', listen, take one step
Remember `here' and `now'
There you will see me and speak with me
I will lead you as in go with you
Fear will keep you where you are
The way is the same for everyone
The strength will be there
You don't like what you know
It is not needed now
You hurt with pain from the past.
It will keep you there.
Lessons are taught to those who are your receivers.
According to their words.
You need not fear them, but picture them as your angels who have
taught you forgiveness.
Free them from your spell and let them be.
Do not interfere in the lessons.
Too much adornment?...Never!
To receive the gift
Of prophecy spoken you
Forgive and be safe in the light
Forgive to save yourself
It is your right to honour yourself
You will be proud of your feat
At last it will mean something
For everyone
Look at these people and feel proud
Of the courage needed to forgive them
A time to forgive
A time to blame
Blame instills guilt when accepted
Forgiveness instills responsibility when acknowledged
To forgive is to accept as is
And not judge
Let go of them by forgiving
To hold on will destroy by addiction
Addiction to the pain
And the fear, which form roots for other addictions
There is another way to feel
It is life
When rebellion takes hold
You forget to cover yourself
...
There is intense desire to say "NO"
To everything
Miss Faerie Lady
Seemingly unstable
The point of rebellion is to take
Something that has been taken from you
While taking everything but
Your sense of importance
You cannot steal back
You can give the man his life
The power to give importance
To matter again
Look and you will see
How to import life
...
Reverse the moment of decision
It is now
Go back in the event
Bring it forth
See it clearly
Change it to your advantage
View the memory
The way you want
Feel the way you want to feel
Put it back into the memory
Remember it as good
Feed it to the brain
This is a trick to start
Life over
Give it a moment
To produce the antitoxin
For the poisoned mind
You look over the course you've taken
But, now everything that happened
Is called wonderful
And it was great
Don't be concerned about other things right now
Give yourself time to exercise the mind with those great ones
Accept them
You did great things
The past is now also
Now is the past
Change what feelings you will
The secrets of the world
Lay the pattern for mystery
Open the box
You will find
Not one, but two
The confusion begins
Which will I seek?
Pick
And open the box
And there will be
The same as the first
And every box after
'Til the sight of the box
Causes you
To stay away
Until you make ready
Your mind to accept
That it is you
Who decides
What is already inside
FEEL MY EXPRESSION